Judas Christ

So, it's Valentine's Day. So fucking what? How many people actually know the history of this holiday? Furthermore, how many people who know the history actually do anything remotely useful or satisfying with that knowledge? Yeah, yeah, yeah... post your stupid anti-(or pro)valentine's day comments, update your pathetic fucking status, write a bullshit rant (hey, the finger's pointed up my ass too, folks). Year after year after fucking year, we go through the saaaaame bullshit. Doesn't anyone ever notice this? Doesn't anyone ever just feel like boycotting it completely? Making no acknowledgment of it whatsoever? But hey, what does that do? More of the same fucking thing everything else does: nothing. No one feels much better, no one feels much worse.

Only during Christmas do I see people acting like greater fucking morons. Let's reserve this one day out of our busy fucking schedules to remind EVERYONE who's supposed to be close to us that they actually are still close to us; that we do still think about them, as if the fact that they pass through our minds is even remotely pertinent to them or anything in general; that our words and actions do mean something and the memories of them shouldn't just dissolve with time.

Oh, yeah, they mean something. Just a little bit more than nothing, in my eyes (and believe me, I wouldn't wish the view through these eyes on any of you. I truly am glad that you're happy, if you are). Sorry (not really), but I lost my faith in words a long time ago; and actions might speak louder, but what fucking difference does it make if they're just louder lies? So, let's say you want to be thoughtful. That's commendable, right? You want to show someone that you were thinking about them. Nothing wrong with that; unless of course the person you're thinking about rarely ever thinks about you beyond wondering if you're still alive. Even then, they're most likely still just too goddamn busy (lazy and/or indifferent) to pick up a phone to find out.

Boy, and what a profound effect they had on you. They taught you so much about the world and about yourself; you felt so connected to the universe... yeah, sure, that sounds good. Maybe we could put that into a pink or red card and mass-produce it so that imbeciles with no taste nor creativity can purchase it and express themselves through other peoples' words. Don't bother crediting the person who wrote those words either; extremely few people - if any - actually give a shit who wrote them. As long as it seems to vaguely convey the "oh-so-unique" emotions that your significant other evokes in you, it's good enough... for now.

But no. Nothing's ever fucking good enough. Haven't we all learned that by now? There is no goddamn perfection, but we drive ourselves fucking insane through self-doubt brought on by multitudes of influences that perpetuate those fucking ideals. Nobody wants to fuck or love anything ugly; never mind the ridiculously rigid standards that people subject others to. And hey, if you're one of those fortunate ones who actually slips on through all of that special someone's defenses, congratulations! I'm sure they've got a nice, erect dick for you to suck on or a couple of warm, squishy holes for you to jackhammer relentlessly as if the answers to the most profound questions in the universe were contained within.

And there's more, too! Just imagine the wildly intellectually stimulating, post-coital discourse that'll follow! "Was it good for you, too?" "What does this mean?" "Can we possess each other like furniture now? At least for a little while? Pweeeeeease? *puppy dog eyes*"

Hey, maybe we should all just go out and consume poisonous substances so we can forget about ourselves for a little while; at least long enough to enjoy rubbing up against one another until we obligatorily climax and then rack our brains wondering what the fuck to say to each other after such debasement. "Ugh, I can't believe I let you penetrate me with that tainted meat tube. You don't even have a six-pack or a mansion I can live in!" "I can't believe I stuck my most valued appendage inside such a fetid, folded orifice as that; moreover, I can't believe I kissed it so passionately when I'd frankly probably enjoy attempting anal with a rabid mountain lion a whole lot more."


This is why I'm alone. This is why I need to be alone. So few of you are even slightly more than a waste of fucking time that I could be spending watching snow melt or paint dry. (Note that I said "so few," which means I'm not referring to everyone.) I'm not here to fucking entertain you either, so don't tell me you're bored; I'll more than likely regard you as boring for being bored, I'll ignore you and lose a little more respect for you. If you have nothing to contribute to my life, do us both a favor and stay the fuck out of it. I'm way more trouble than I'll ever be worth to you. You see, I'll never abuse you verbally nor physically, I might actually pay attention to what you have to say, I might respect you... and you don't really want any of that from someone who isn't a physical paragon of masculinity. Go find your missing self-esteem somewhere else, you fucking idiotic cunts.


"Hahaha... I'm just playin' ladies.
You know I love you."
<333

It's a new year, and apparently I now feel that rants are blog-worthy. Who knows? I may delete it in a week or so. But, to everyone who may've missed my bulletin, here ya go:



There's controversy in the news lately about Amy Fisher and her sex tape that was released by her husband Lou Bellara (sp?). I just saw a little clip of it on CBS.

Normally, I'd just shrug something like this off, but something about it reeeeally galls me, and that something is this: the fact that even after he released a sex tape of her (to which millions of guys are most assuredly jerking off) she got back together with him.

Take a minute to take in the information in that sentence before I repeat it in capital letters... ready? Too bad.

EVEN AFTER HE RELEASED A SEX TAPE OF HER (and it somehow became news-worthy to broadcast network companies like CBS) SHE GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM.

Ok, now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm a pretty good guy. I try my best to make people I care about happy and I have never and would never do anything even remotely similar to what he did. Yet, I've still never managed to have a committed relationship last longer than 6 months. I've heard about and witnessed a lot of crazy shit happen in peoples' relationships and yet they still manage to stay together or get back together, but this story just takes the fucking cake.

Don't get me wrong. This bulletin isn't some silly cry for help, nor is it in any way imploring any of you for advice, nor am I asking what is wrong with me. I don't need help, nor advice, nor do I think anything is fundamentally wrong with me. I actually have a rather high opinion of myself while still remaining modest.

My point is, seeing stuff like that, I'm glad to be a-fucking-lone. I'm thankful for every fucking cunt who tore out my heart and pissed on it. I'm thankful for it, because if I were ever with someone who'd stay with me after I did something like that, I'd fucking shoot us both. Do me a favor and stay out of my fucking head. The happier you make me, the more I can potentially hate you for disappointing me in some way, and I'd really rather not waste my fucking time. I'd rather continue to be alone and/or indifferent than resign rational reasoning and free, independent thought to some vague notion of love; to some flimsy little title claiming ownership that'll most likely be temporary.

Fuck all you people who don't know how to be alone and yet productive and positive. Instead of whining about being alone, perhaps you should work on yourselves. Grow and/or improve (physically, intellectually, spiritually) and make yourselves into magnificent beings. Fuck all of you who go back to people who abuse you. You've lost your sense of self and emotional independence. Nobody should ever put up with abuse. FUCK that and fuck everyone who gushes incessantly over their significant other as if it were something anyone but you actually gave a shit about. Have you ever noticed how few comments you receive on any of your pictures together unless you're some sort of fucking celebrity? (And don't even get me started on the pathetic wastes of life who read celebrity magazines and such.)

Whatever. It's rather fucking unlikely that any sort of rant will change any of your staggeringly imbecilic behavior. I just can't wait to be rid of you all for good. Fuck.off. I am at peace.

:)

...something was supposed to happen today.

Here I am.
I am now here.


WRONG!
I've begun all wrong!

How d'ye do?

*mwah, mwah*

Are you being sufficiently entertained?
...
What? Pussy got your tongue?
Resign it shamelessly.

Hell forbid this well run dry.
Freeze me in this flame.
Remember me fondly with ashes in your mouth.
Dear me!
Remember me as a neon chameleon.
Cloaked in conspicuous camouflage.
Are you feeling faint?

Surpassing any saint's patience.
A survivalist duck, sitting with a sledgehammer.
Still retaining that old utility, but the times, they are a-changin'.

It's not an accident that you can't see me or my prodigious progeny.
Hear me (through other mouths).
Misused lips; cracked and kissed.
Senseless bitches pinioned in vanilla flesh.
I'd have torn off the wings as well if they'd ever been.
Does the sweat suit your palate?
Aww, the meat is still talking...
Or trying to.


Style is for .citsalp eht
Aren't I so, oh os gnikcuf enivid?
Jabberwocky, cunt.
Aren't you late, too?
Aren't you too late?

Oh, incoherence is so much fucking sexier.
Obviously.
Ready for a stunning revelation?!
Words are worthless minus motion.
Lose yourself, you fool!
Lose yourself beyond the capacity to be found again!
Do you dare me to tell the truth?
DO YOU?!
Nevermind.
Forget it!
:D

So, freedom.
Whatcha know about freedom?
Sweet lil' solitary psilocybin.
Freeing souls with the greatest of ease.
Here, I'll show you.
Wait, do you deserve this?
Have you earned your crown?

This is (my) life.

This is (your) life.

This is (not) life.



Welcome to the magnificent Egress!

So these are the purest moments of honesty...
Humanity should be ashamed.
Are you as proud as I am? :D

:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
:D
This is to what it's come.

Self-ruination now a full-time occupation.
Paltry salvation lying between brazen inebriation and obtuse captivation.
Sliding beyond swollen glands.
Beautiful bruises and broken blood vessels.
Such a noble disposition!
A grand spectacle of deletion!
I am the red king, and you have not earned a thing!
Do (not) wake me, lest you and your pitiful peers be expunged from (not to) oblivion.


.
.
.
On second thought, do wake me up.
DO IT, FUCKER!!
I fucking truthfully dare you.


Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
Pardon me, but to whom the fuck do you think you're talking?

Gee-whiz, being this mature is so exhausting.
Matter??rettam-itnA
Do you matter at all?

I'm (not) sorry, the beeps and whistles are unintelligible.
P'rhaps you should give amputation a whirl!
Werkt fer me!
The simplishness is astoundamating!
Synchronize twin apexesssssssssssssssssssssssssss NOW!
Exhibitions of voyeurism between voyeuristic exhibitionists.
FREEDOM! JUSTICE! HONESTY!
Fleeting as the glow; the grin.
Delicious sin.
Gin and transitory joy.
The sheer inferiority of it all!
Sometimes you humans amuse me and I laugh with you, but right now, I feel like laughing at you.
Ready?
Here I go:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Curiouserand

resuoiruC

openthebox,pandora!arodnap,xobehtnepo
Hey!

(Let's go! haha!)
What a valiant effort!
VALIANTVALIANTVALIANT!
Be proud!  Stand tall!
Fucking kill yourself!
:D

...planting dubiety daisy seeds...
t
r
u
s
t




Come on, O mind of mine...
Never mind the gaping hole in my back.
Even Donatien grew weary at times.
Soul for sale here! Soul for sale!
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Lil' saccharine lolly.
Tomes are whispering your name.
Various volumes; inaudible to earless.
OBVIOUSLY!
Unquestioned digestion of recycled perception.
You don't need my permission!
Madness is orthodox in this crooked land of sand and sanity.
boxesboxesboxesboxes
boxesboxesboxesboxes
boxescanyouevenboxes
boxesbreatheintheboxes
boxesreorareyoualboxes
boxesreadydead...boxes
boxesboxesboxesboxes
boxesboxesboxesboxes
Sheathe the wit.
Distortion is no surprise.
I know you've lost your eyes.
Find fate stained in steins.
Don't bother reading between the lines.
You'll only be disappointed.

Congratulations!
Congratulations on your glorious declination!
Take your place amongst the empyreal digital whores of yesterday and the day before!
The bullet wounds suit you well!
Don't bother unpacking!
Oh, words never solve anything.
As if anything ever needed solving. :D

Welcome to limbo!
Fuck you!
How LOW can YOU go?
:D
Goodbye, feet!

Pay no mind, sweetie baby dearies.
I know you're broke(n).
Who am I to charge interest?
Who am I to tax your solicitude?
Why do you cry, parasite?
Surely, hosts with sweeter blood must exist somewhere.
Why did you bother shedding a single tear for me?
Your senses will fail soon enough.
Helloooooo, dementia!
How d'ye do this evening?
*mwah, mwah*

Her name is folly.
His name is obliquity.
Gleefully sailing lunar seas.
Amaranthine wine within their veins.
Crackers, bubblegum, cocaine and gingerbread.
Kiss me, my gangrenous cherub.
Now punch me in the fucking face!


Lay back.  Relax.
Spread your legs.
The one and only celebration we know.
Let me appreciate a foreign pronoun.
Let me show my gratitude for everything you are.
Glistening fingernails lined upon a didactic manhood.
Prepare for immersion.
Prepare for erudition.
Sensory deprivation.
Savoring oracular jism.
EroticerraticismsicitorecitarrE
I was wrong all along.
It is Eye who owns the Rapist...
Our greens match, little cosset.
Are you feeling valuable yet?

You choose! Your choice!
Waving up and down.
Marching backwards in tandem towards opposite ends.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, you've lost your thumbs!
Poor...little...baby.

.
.
.
-
-
-
.
.
.
...nevermind...

Follow me to the sun on waxen wings.

So, I see you've arrived.
Word to the wise: do not dissect what you find.
You may find something worse.
Just ask.
Do not fear.



A retired escape artist and magician.
Houdini has become God.
He's so fucking ashamed.
He watches in utter chagrin as haggots make him meaningless.

Run.

Run.

Run.

Run.
Don't stop until you can feel again.

Don't stop until you can remember the first.


Don't stop until you can think of
the next.

Minutes like hours.
Days like weeks.
Arachnids make their traps.
Crawling, scratching, spinning above and beyond a cellular tumor.
Sitting to sit.  Waiting to wait.
For something, anything, but nothing.

Aren't you a pretty thing?
All made up, but with no soul to match that heart, though.
Keep it to yourself.
Fucking idiot.

Juxtapose a colon and parenthesis and lo! (and yes, even behold) Truth is revealed.

Don't just say (a) word(s).
Say the word(s).
You will see, if you will.
You may, if you can.

Broken puppet.
Dancing barefoot on nails for you.
He doesn't mind.  
Promise!
Promise!
Promise!
3 times, indeed.
3 for each word.
Not even the slightest defect.
Unlike countless others, they were made to resist it all.
And they will.
Promise.

Black market affirmations.
Sometimes you get even less than what you pay for.
But what is the currency?
Inferiors claiming superiority.
Amusing, no?

Does my voice sound sweeter through a megaphone?
My touch more tender through gauntlets?
My head look better severed on a silver platter?
Consume me, sweet, silly consumer.
Consumption and intercourse being your finest talents.
Be proud!  Buy and fuck!  Nevermind the sin.
Live now; be forgiven later.


Oh, if only my rotten, fucking imagination was honest.
I could console myself with cozy misanthropy and callousness.
I could bake a birthday cake.
Sing to me, myself and I.
Blow out all the candles a million times.
And I'd never tell, like the fool I am.

Don't make me happy.
I'm not perfect enough. (yet)
Don't kiss me.
I'm not smart enough to know the purpose of lips.
Don't love me.
I'm too fucking unattractive to have a heart.
Don't read this.
It mustn't be important.
Fundamentalists, beware.
The literal sense is rarely appropriate when viewing this nonsense.

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

Don't listen to me.
Just ignore everything you don't understand.
Especially the things you do that make you squirm.
Don't ever worry about me.
Time is far too expensive.
Who really has any time for tears?
This is your world.
Who would want to dominate this fucking mess?
This is your life.
Are you important?



I hope, for your sake, that that grin isn't merely pasted on.
It's really hard to communicate through vowels alone.
Are those air raid sirens I hear?
S'pose it shouldn't surprise me.
Being here, you learn to expect the unexpected.

As I walk through this town, I feel no fear.
Only peace amidst the chaos; serenity amidst the horror.
All the pieces of a broken man at my feet.
Cracking like glass as I step through it all.
I hear crying.
Somewhere, somehow.
Might as well just ignore it, right?
Is this where I belong?

Lips sewn shut.
Fingers broken.
Eyes useless in this chasm.
Where the fuck am I?
Vitiation.
Mindful self-indulgence.
I know the house is on fire, but it's just so warm...



we're losing him...
we're losing him..
we're losing him.
We're losing him.
We're Losing him!
We're Losing Him!
WE'RE LOSING HIM!
.
.
.
-
-
-
.
.
.
*shrugs*


This is the fruit of the evocation.
Take a bite.
Savor the ambrosial nectar.
The blood of a criminal.
Justice!  Do you see that it has been spilled upon your lap?
Is this what you wanted?
Those stains... oh so haute.
Don't pretend to comprehend.
Sleep now.
Flee from a world that frightens you.
Pray Hypnos grants you some freedom from this faux reality.

Do you want to know?
Will you listen or merely hear?
Are you reading or merely seeing?
Is now convenient or would later be better?


I refuse to resign this flesh to ash in a flicker.
It will be a fucking inferno.
Solemn and absolute; you'll hear my contrition through the beautiful flame.
The tree will have fallen, whether or not anyone heard or saw it.

Your spade pierced my soil cocoon; flooding it with sunlight.
Did you hear the screaming below your feet?
Were you mourning the supposed death of a phenomenal love?
No matter.

I was blinded by the world; the incandescence of that all-consuming, burning ball.
But surely, the soil gave way and I climbed out.
Still apprehensive, you took my fragile hand in yours.
We collapsed in velvet; falling, falling.
Falling away from a faux reality in a new cradle.

Suddenly awoken from the greatest dream by the coldest of rains.
Both shrieking, I offered sanctuary.
I tried so hard not to show any further lament when you declined.
Abstruse, indeed, however still respected to the best of my ability.

Now, with one of two tin cans and a string, I listen for your voice.
Listening from where you found me, though without my former defenses.
The rain is still as cold as ever, love, but I will never hide beneath that earthen duvet again.
It'd only turn to mud anyway.

Where'd I even learn the word "duvet?"

Suddenly, I'm roused by a small piece of paper that's landed upon my cheek.
Three little words written upon it but no signature.
Appears to be your handwriting, but don't these words belong to someone else?
Are you speaking with someone else's voice, or am I still locked in my sadistic imagination?

The string is shaking...
Is it you?
Are you there?
...---...

I love you.
Always.

...










:'(



Truth is revealed.

Stop fucking blinking at me...


Mere black symbols cast into the white vacuum.

Turning negative.Multiversal inversion.

...uoy

Who?  What?  When?  Where?  Why?  How?
What?  When?  Where?  Why?  How?  Who?
Where?  Why?  How?  Who?  What?  When?
When?  Where?  Why?  How?  Who?  What?
Why?  How?  Who?  What?  When?  Where?
How?  Who?  What?  When?  Where?  Why?


Staring up into space.

Waiting,
wait,gni


Such a strange land for such a strange stranger.
Dance in your beautiful ugliness.
Is faith for fools?

Celebrate in the prison of your wishes.
Nobody understands.
Nobody.
I won't let them.
(and speaking of foolishness...)

Why are all these words here?
To communicate the intangible.
To share; to experience life in all its horrors and splendors.
To never surrender to ignorance nor simplicity.
The beast of convenience.
Tyrant named "Choice."


Telepathy.

I can; I must.

If you're going to be hollow, you might as well be beautiful, too.
Oh, you perfect liar, you.
You're soooo damn beautiful.
All the black and white keys long to sing for you and your soul.
All the king's helpers and men want to fix him.
If they can't fix him, they'll break him further.
But maybe he jumped...
Perhaps he needs to fix himself as only he knows how.
Oh, perhaps and maybe away, deary.
Mayhaps you'll never know.


Look out for static.
It may shock you.
I really, really miss muffins.
and rice,
and popcorn.

I've expunged the past that shames me.
Like you wouldn't believe.
You must've held Dante's hand as he held Virgil's.
Seeing through the fog in the fucking Hell I made.
You must've believed; you must've been praying.
Somewhere, somehow, you'd find me.
My smiling face awaiting...


Hold me,
kiss me,
kill me,
but do NOT shake my hand.

So much to say, but I'll save it for another day.
So much to do, so many places to go.
Does hope carry me or do I carry hope?
Come, my demons.
Come to me and we'll see who retreats bleeding.
I do not fucking need you anymore.
Never fucking did.



I promise.

Memories may fade...

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0101001000000111010001101111001
0000001101011011011100110111101
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1101100001011001100110010100100
0000111011101101001011101000110
1000001000000110110101100101001
0000001110100011011110110111100
1011000010000001100001011011100
1100100001000000111010001101000
0110000101110100001000000110110
1011110010010000001101100011011
1101110110011001010010000001100
1100110111101110010001000000111
1001011011110111010100100000011
0001101101111011011100111010001
1010010110111001110101011001010
1110011001000000111010001101111
0010000001100111011100100110111
1011101110010000001100101011000
0101100011011010000010000001100
1000110000101111001001011100010
0000010110010110111101110101001
0000001110100011100100111010101
1011000111100100100000011000010
1110010011001010010000001101101
0111100100100000011001010111011
0011001010111001001111001011101
0001101000011010010110111001100
1110010111000001101000010100000
1101000010100101011101101001011
1010001101000001000000110000101
1011000110110000100000011011010
1111001001000000110100001100101
0110000101110010011101000010110
0000011010000101001000010011001
01011000110110001101100001



...but they'll never die without my help...

You're all such divine inspirations for billions of abortions.


Oh, woe is Simon me!  Such insurmountable difficulty!
Such little things says can seem so large, yes?
Such light look things so heavy?
Oh sweetheart, the truth between is spurting from my mind's
mouth like (noun) from my throbbing (another noun).
How few of you are the worth more than an immediate X post-apex...
How few didn't make me fucking feel like my soul had been swallowed as well.  (Pay attention!)
Yeah, I'm a fucking filthy lines boy, aren't I?  (Or are you broke, again, you fucking bum?!)
Maybe you shouldn't have opened your mouth, slut; swine.



Simon doesn't make mistakes.
Trust Simon.
Simon says don't take Simon literally.
"He's a fucking liar! Don't believe this fucking lunatic!"
Is that you, dear?
I didn't know you were home.
Listen, I'm really sorry about the whole "slitting-your-throat-in-your-sleep" thing.
Can't we just put it all behind us?
Don't you wish this sentence meant something?

I'd state my fear, loud and clear, but you can't hear.
CLEVER! CCLLEEVVEERR! CCCLLLEEEVVVEEERRR!  YES YES YES!
Works great, thanks for (not) asking.

Words are indeed meaningless and forgettable.
Mother, please punish me for being this way.
PLEASE! I NEVER knew!
Jesus!  Please forgive me!  Get off your fucking cross, emo boy.
HAHAHAHA, EMO BOY!
RIDICULE!
OSTRACIZATION!

Should've been numb and dumber, like us.
Simon says fellate Simon.


REDUNDANT! REDUNDANT! RE-DUN-DANT! (PLAGIARISM!)
Your empty windows into emptier "souls."
Watch me pull a personality out of your ass just to FILL it again.
I know, I know.
It aaaaallllll depends on your preference.

Stop disagreeing, fucker!
I'm right, you're wrong, deal with it, bitch.

%59%6F%75%20%6B%6E%
6F%77%2C%20%79%6F%75%
20%63%6F%75%6C%64%20%64
%69%65%20%72%69%67%68%
74%20%6E%6F%77%20%61%6E
%64%20%69%74%20%77%6F%
75%6C%64%6E%27%74%20%61
%66%66%65%63%74%20%61%
20%74%68%69%6E%67%2E%0D
%0A%49%20%6B%6E%6F%77%
20%68%65%61%72%69%6E%67
%20%74%68%61%74%20%6D%
75%73%74%20%62%65%20%73
%74%72%61%6E%67%65%20%
63%6F%6E%73%69%64%65%72
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20%74%68%65%20%72%65%70
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73%68%69%74%20%79%6F%75
%20%6A%75%73%74%20%6C%
65%74%20%6D%65%20%64%6F
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74%72%61%6E%67%65%2C%20
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72%69%6E%67%20%6D%79%20
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61%72%65%20%64%72%69%70
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74%20%6F%66%20%79%6F%75
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6E%20%79%6F%75%72%20%77
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64%20%6B%6E%6F%77%20%74
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6F%75%6C%64%20%6E%65%76
%65%72%20%6C%6F%76%65%
20%79%6F%75%20%61%67%61
%69%6E%2E%0D%0A%59%6F%
75%20%73%68%6F%75%6C%64
%20%6B%6E%6F%77%20%74%
68%61%74%20%49%20%6E%65
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6C%6C%79%20%64%69%64%2E
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74%20%65%76%65%72%20%73
%6F%20%66%75%63%6B%69%
6E%67%20%68%6F%6E%65%73
%74%2E%00

"Thank you for your honesty,
now fuck off and die."

Do you remember why you opened your mouth?
I was hoping you knew, 'cause I haven't a clue.
It's garbage night again, isn't it?
I don't pretend to prophetize nor profit.
We'll just see who profits in the end.


Perhaps you see me through the world's eyes too, yes?
Just a simple fool who never understood the important things in life.
Never learned the rules the right way.
Prove me wrong, baby, and I'll cut all my fingers off and shoot myself in the fucking head.
Metaphorically, of course. 
Am I right?
Am I WRONG?!
AGAIN?!

Fuck!
It happened again.
AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!
AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!
IGNORE THIS!
AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!
AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!
System fucking failure indeed.
No! No! Not that!
Something else entirely!

Haha, know what?  Fuck you! :)
(Profundity beyond fucking profundity, eh?)
Do we UNDERSTAND each other?
Have we CONNECTED?
Are we in LOVE?  (HAHAHA, DEAR GOD THAT'S HIL-FUCKING-ARIOUS!)
Should we FUCK?
Are we BORED yet?
Should we get RID of each other?
Should we get MARRIED?


I want you to know, but DON'T CARE if you NEVER do.
Little pussy, you'll have to kill yourself.
Fuck yourself so G_d can kill you; even better!
Fret not your 9th life, as 8 still remain.
Though a ghost I may be, I still defy translucence.
Everyone's a critic, baby, but you're giving others a bad (worse) name.

I momentarily abstain from false purity to fucking bathe in profanity.
I consider picking up the phone just for you.
But then I finish (violently, brutally, viciously, gently) raping myself and I change my fucking mind.
The absolute peak of your Intelligence Quotient is revealed in ecstatic moans and sweet, sweet fucking lascivious discourse.
*sssssiiiiiGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!..................*
Such a shame.  You should be ashamed.  I should be ashamed.
Because that makes it all so much more devilishly piquant.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Now
.
.
.
-
-
-
.
.
.

Ignorance, cherished cherries.
That is the key.
The key you never lost nor sought.
To unlock the intangible door.


Perhaps I'm lost in here too.
Isn't it so satisfying to know the falsities of finality?

The end is a lie, boys and girls.
I pray.
I pray G_d and I are the honest liars we claim to be.

Hope is a badge of naïveté, sweetie.
Adults and their adulteries; so alive, so fucking free.


Perhaps I'd have burdened you sooner.
Who knew I'd love burning bridges so much?


I suppose at
some point I
 should try
to help you
make some se
nse out of t
his fucking
mess, yes?

n
o

?

Ah yes.
Another aimles(sic) apex at the egress.
A[NO!]ther mass abort(sic)on.
Several billion parasites; never receiving the pre[tent](sic)ious gift of life.
Oh, the sanctity of it.
Yes, yes.
Ain't it sanctimonious?
You should be expected to expect flippancy.
U C, I C erraticism 2 B=2 eroticism.
Perhaps + or x?
Vice versa?



The exit itself is but an entrance...


Once again: you can n e v e r know me.
Incidentally, baby, we were both wrong.
But immersion in delusion is inevitable and... so, so human.





.ti tbuod I tub ,em eb dluoc tI
(Patterns... pah!)
whatisthatawfulnoisethatsoundslikenailsagainstrustedmetal
whydoifeellikeit'sallinmyhead
allinmyheadallinmyheaddaehymnilladaehymnilla
dualityeclipsingsymmetry
chaoseclipsingorder
theendisstillafuckinglie...---...
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignore
thatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignore
thatignorethatignorethatignorethatonceignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatihadaheartignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatbutnowignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
allihearisignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatthatnoiseignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat
ignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethatignorethat

assistanceisnotrequired
greatlydiscouraged,infact
aspreviouslystated:gnispalloc si erutcurts fo esnes llA

...and I'm loving every.single.fucking.second of it.



Your eyes are liars, ladies and gentlemen.
Boys and girls, your eyes are filthy, fucking liars.
But they're the most honest liars you'll ever know.
(Windows... pah!)



...yM-traeh-sah-deppots...
IGNORE THIS!
YOU'RE A FUCKING CHAMP!

(In case you're wondering, [you're not] this is all [im]pertinent[portant]).
How do you feel, sweetheart?

round
and.
round
and.
round
and.
round;
never-
once-
noticing-
the

knife...

.tsal ta ,noyclaH
?etaf siht sI
.si ti ,sey ho ,si tI

It most certainly is not.
I'm certainly certain of my certainty.
I'm abundantly aware of my (nuon).

HE BELONGS TO ME!
I AM HIS FUCKING POSSESSION!

w
o
r
s
the
i
p
echo(es)

These hands.eromyna enim ton era
This is sur.laviv
This is not.elbissopmi
There's ord.redrosid ni re
Can't you s.?ee (you've fallen)
Infinity re.ytinifni stcelf
Nothingness.ssengnihtoN

of thievery.eerged shiT
ath a thief.eneb eb yam
e.m ekil nevE

must burn.segdirb ehT
must.yehT
they?tsuM
must.yehT
they?tsuM
must.yehT
they?tsuM
yes.seY


Say it...
Be-lie-ve it..
Deny it.

Save me, sweet Judas.
Betray me, bitter Christ.

.eveileb ot gnitrats er'uoY
?ksir eht sserac uoy oD

Mommy and Daddy are going to be with G_d today.
They're going to knock on his door and ring the bell.
He'll have them in for tea and proselytization.
Breakfast will taste good at lunchtime.
Promise.
We can enjoy it in our birthday suits.
Promise(1630401411621450401551451411561640401
64157040142145040142162157153145156).
There (IS) method (TO) my (MADNESS)...

...eveileb ot uoy tnaw I tahw ylno s'taht spahrep rO

sihT (in)sanity sespilce any dna all sesnes of yna mere ecnetsixe.

dne ehT

.lie

a si



















?hturt Am eht I gnillet

Walk on into my minefield, baby.


Hi! I'm here to rattle your cage.
These are my eyes.
This is my perfect world.
Perfectly flawed in every way.
Just fucking give up already.
You bore me, slut.
Uh oh, singularity... what ever shall we do?!


qa1ws2rtf45uyjp[e4r50jgfi5r4okijuhygtfrdeswa3seijuhgf6ds6d7yguihg7f6d6s547gyu


Oh, so fucking amazing! You have NO idea!
I can see Jesus at the bottom of the gorge.
Go be with Him, you fucks.
But you're still so unarmed.
Recycling your own filth intravenously.
Pull the fucking needle out of your arm, then talk to me.
Nevermind.

This is beauty!
Waste of curiosity, waste of flesh.
*rattle, rattle, rattle*
Hoo-fucking-ray for onomatopoeia!
Mmm... your cerebrum's so fucking tight.
Are you getting your money's worth?
Would you like a straw?
Would you like to know every little detail about my life?
Wouldn't you love to make me obtuse like you?
Sweet little peppermint pussies... begging! pleading! screaming!


?dyrf fuhg iuo
ccy gleg chevvis

Oops, I'm sorry... (no, I'm not) (YES, I AM!)
Did you want me to change your life now?
What a marvelous catharsis!
U-fuck-ing-reek-Ah!
Heat to white hot as a purgative.
Good for the soul.

What do you expect when you put your leash in my hand, bitch?
Such soothing abuse suits you so well, baby haggot.
Run through fields of freedom and delusion.
Aren't you happy yet, babydoll?
You're smiling, so that must fool 'em all, eh?
Gosh, you're so clever.
Golly, I wish I could be just like you when I grow up.
Gee, I really want you to fuck me unmercifully.
It'd mean the WORLD. EVERY-FUCKING-THING IN THE ENTIRE FUC-KING WORLD!
Yes, I can talk at you.

So, who am I?
One thing's still certain, but I'll never teeellll...
I get off on your insanity just like a plump pair of tits.
A pretty face made divine; shining with millions of the unborn.
Cannibalism ain't that bad then, is it?


I'm lying to you right now.
Honest.

I promise this.
I swear that.
I think I'm through castrating myself now.
Even though it doesn't hurt anymore, it's lost its initial appeal.




Haha, having fun yet?! HUH?!
Don't worry baby. Everything's alright.
Imagine that. Everything being alright.
Ain't that fucking trippy?
You should know that you're the scum of the earth.
Ain't that fucking wild, man?!

So, I was so fucked up...
I was drunk this one time...
I was tripping balls, and...
I was 69ing a midget the other day, and the craziest thing happened...
You'd never believe it! NEVER!

I'm nobody you think I am.
Well, maybe, sort of, in a way.
But this! This is definitely not...
Wait, no.
Fuck! Nevermind.
Rebellion's such a fucking chore; sadly but truthfully so fucking trite.
Certainly doesn't pay like any real job, eh?


A&D (Analysis and Discussion) time!
Remember, when a grown-up is speaking,
little boys and girls must sit down, shut the fuck up and listen:
Are our personalities nothing more than sums of equations built up of influences and inspirations?
Are we really all so unoriginal?
Are we so pathetically lacking in self-sufficience that we need other people to make us happy?

Strange.
There always seemed to be more to it than that.
Universal simplicity is the name of the game, eh?
Fuck your game.
Fuck your expectations.
Fuck your revelations.
Fuck your dewey-eyed false idolatry.
Fuck your underground.
Fuck your mainstream.
Fuck your love.
Fuck your hate.
Fuck your impossible inertia.
Fuck your slogans.
Infact, fuck this fucking list, fucker.


AND...
Don't forget to fuck off.
:)

Do not presume.
Don't fucking assume.
You suck at life.
You're wrong.
Stop guessing.
Go away.
Stop reading.
Seriously, fuck off.
I don't need any of you.
But keep reading.
Please?

HAHAHA!
:)

Before you bootlickers eat this out of me...
I'm prying this out of my fucking skull.
I'm waltzing gracefully into nihility.
I'm redefining redundancy.
Can you see my smile growing as you give me what I've wanted all along?
You couldn't even if you wanted to.

Yes, that is a gun in my pocket.
No, I'm not glad to see you.
Doesn't that amuse you? Because it fucking amuses me!
I pretend not to know who's looking, but I know.
Is this your greatest gift?
Is this your highest talent?
Is that the best you can fucking do?
Pitiful.
You don't even deserve the grace of my saliva on your face.



It's beginning...

You're so fucking beautiful.
Each and everyone of you (but not you, or you).
You, and you, you you youyouyouyouyouyouYOUYOUYOU.

NO!

It's too fucking easy.

This is the beginning. Do you have an invitation?

Little toys playing in their toybox.
Kill your master... tonight.
You've no idea what he's capable of.
tHAT'S tOO mUCH oF a nARRATIVE!
i'M nOT fUCKING yELLING!
Stop trying to open the door because you don't have the fucking key.
You never did, silly bitch.

NO!
WRONG!
WRONG!
WRONG!

Beauty is the end.
Beauty is the fucking end.
Pardon me while I kick the world in the face.
Kiss it and make it better, sweetheart.
God, if I had a sledgehammer...
You'd feel that motherfucker tapping your shoulder right about now.
Hello! I'm Mars the pacifist.

"No
hay


Oh yes... you're right.
So marvelously fucking contrived.
You're so correct!
Good for you!


You don't even know who the fuck I am.


I am the beginning and end of your greatest fantasies.
I will offer no explanation. Fuck whatever you think you know.
I am the frowning apex.
I am reality, and I'm here to smack you in the goddamn face.
This makes no sense(?).[!]
Haha, isn't it fun to love lunacy and all its 'tics?

"I'm stubborn as those garbage bags that time cannot decay.
I'm junk, but I'm still holding up this little wild bouquet..."
Damaged and yet still so fucking perfect, eh?
I'm a chaste whore, a corpse deity, a fucking legend. pphh
The most honest liar you'll ever meet, again and again.
Champagne with rat poison.
Lascivious carcinogenesis.
"E=mc²
Ontology recapitulates phylogeny."

Subvert the dominant fucking paradigm.
Then go have a sandwich.
"Eat all the grass that you want."
Don't look in my windows.
Nobody's home and you're not welcome.
Vandalize me and leave.
Obviously I'm tolerating it, you clever bitch.
Keep that up and you'll be due for a promotion in no time.
None at all.


Even if I end up hating it, I'm going to deserve solitude.
I'm ashamed of my pride.
I'm muting my mutability.
I never said to follow me off this goddamn cliff.
Goddammit, now we have to fall in love.
Fuck!




Stop paying attention!
It's far too expensive to pay it to me and I can see that you're fucking broke.

Ignore this!
Ignore this!
Ignore this!
Ignore this!
Ignore this!
Ignore this!
Ignore this!
Ignore this!


Thumbs for sale!
2 for $1!
Fuck victimization.
Fragile, obsequious, digital concubine.
You are not alive.
You are not free.
Not like me.
The complacent malcontent.

Don't ambiguous pronouns drive you fucking crazy?!
Aren't you curious?
Aren't you salacious?
Aren't you magnificently fucking vacuous?


0111000110101101100011010100110101010010111001


When I'm through laughing at you, I'll pretend to laugh with you.
It's alright, dear.
Aren't I so fucking sincere?
This is a truth that could be a lie at any time.
Aren't I versatile?
Aren't I clever?
R'NT I LYK... SOOOO EFFIN' H0T?! XDDDD

Stitch those lips shut, bitch.
Open wide and discover purpose.
Filthy and goddamn gorgeous.
A poisonous, peppermint fairy in boots.
One last (im)purity in a place where nothing is the last anything.




from the beginning.


You make me sick...

Where're my big guns?



I'd laugh at(with) you if you weren't driving me to tears.
So fucking pathetic.
Who knew he had such a venomous tongue in his head?
Who knew he had such a poisonous cock?

This beauty must fucking die.
Hand me that goddamn screwdriver.
You do not deserve me.

Eh, nevermind.
You don't fucking understand or care to anyway.

Let's just sit down.
Let's change the world.
...
Let's not and say we didn't give a fuck in the first place.

There, sell that.
Buy that.
Toss me a dime, won't you?
I must be a marvelous spectacle.
Eh, what are souls? Who cares?
Do you? I don't. I'm also a liar.
Believe me.

I'm a hypocrite too. Wait, no I'm not.
I hate hypocrites, parasites, vampires.
I hate you too.
This is what happens when you fix something too many times.
It's better off fucking broken.
Get a new one, whores.
I'll join you, because I love you all.
Trust me!

Oh yes, you, you, you, you're all exempt.
I accept you.
Can you justify it?
Can you see my face?

God, I thought you knew.
Actually, no.
Confused?
Yeah, thought so.
Go do something more worthwhile.
Something that makes you really proud.
Your time is valuable.
Valuablevaluablevaluablevaluable. HAHAHAHA
Mankind's entire existence is a fucking joke.
None of this will bring you closer.

Read with a microscope.
A connection will not be established.
Oh, such a connection. Cherished connection.
Ohhh no! Where'd they go?! HAHAHA


Listen to me.
All is futile.


Is this the product of someone who's been hurt?
Poor me and my boo-boos.
Nobody to kiss 'em better.
Actually, too many to fuck 'em better.
As my eyes sink further into my head, I'm still a fire to you.
So halcyon, but I will burn.
...so wait, what was that word again?

Did you forget?
I'm absolutely inconceivable.
Pretentious.
Yes?
*sigh*
How warm and still repulsive, bathing in your naïveté.

I still love you all, you fucking idiots.

It's grand consolation to me.
The near-deafening amplification of our remarkable differences.
Eh, the pieces may've fit at one time,
but does anyone care to reassemble them?
Does honesty give you acne?
A better "L" word would be ludicrous.

God, I wish I was as fucking stupid as you are.
I'm jealous. I really am.
I never asked for this.
I didn't have a choice then.
I still don't now.

Hey!

Stop trying to see yourself!

All this may be a mirror, but only I can see anything reflected in it.


God, I wish I could make you see what you've done.
Oh, the mess you've made, little cunt.
How preposterous it all was.
How especially asinine I was.
HAHA, I can still see it all that way.
Isn't that amusing?
Doesn't that just tickle you?

Once again.
Doesn't matter.
You won't read this.
Even if you did, you wouldn't find your name anywhere in these ambiguous pronouns.
Stop trying to fix me.
I'm happy being broken.
Now leave me the fuck alone.
Thanks.

(This is probably the most disturbing thing I've ever written. Enjoy.)


Poor, poor girl.
Please hold her.
Please kiss her.
Please love her.
She has no lips.
She has no soul.
She's not like you.
She is no longer human.
But doesn't she have a nice smile?
Doesn't she have a concealed weapon?
Shouldn't we kill her?
Shouldn't we ignore her?
Shouldn't we play pretend?

She could've ruled the world.
But, the fool... she fell in love.
What an insipid fucking retard, eh?
You'll never hear her say she's sorry.
So much bitter hatred, yet she found love.
She could tell you stories, but you don't care.
Be honest.

I'm not lying. Believe me.
She could've been trusted.
She really could've been...
She was scary.
She could feel.
She was so ashamed.
She just wanted to be normal.
She just wanted to be numb.
She just wanted to be boring like you.
And you.
And you.

Foolish, foolish girl.
Grow the fuck up already.
Don't you have anything better to do with your time?
So easy. So fucking easy.
So pathetic.

Cast in calluses and blisters.
Such a toxic little malcontent.
But she could've given the world.
She could've ruled it.
She could've kicked it in the fucking face.

She deserved every heart in her hand.
No matter how insignificant.
She commanded attention with a goddamn sledgehammer.
To think, all she ever wanted to do was talk.
Share her life.
Share whatever could be known as her soul.
She hated people who wished on stars.
She hated praying as an act of desperation.

All she wanted was to be loved.
But nobody ever knows what they want, right?
NOBODY EVER KNOWS WHAT THEY WANT, RIGHT?!
That's why she invented the word, "misanthropy."
And yes, that's why he hated her.
He wasn't the only one.
But he wasn't the one.

Plane crashes are so sexy.
Suffering made her wet.
She fucked herself everytime she saw someone crying.
She was jealous.
You have no idea.
You really don't.

Those teeth enticed her.
God, she loved his smile.
God, she missed smiling.
And those eyes...
What a marvelous disguise.

She knew this was the last she'd see of him.
She was crying as she prepared.
Nobody'll know which brand of tears though.
She regretted piercing herself for him.
She regretted trusting anyone.
She regretted not doing this sooner.
She regretted having something to regret.

She hates you for reading this.
Seriously.
You are now officially hated.
Now.
Feel special, you fucking imbecile.
...
Have you begun?

As she climbed the stairs, she remembered that night.
Everything was so perfect.
She thought, "Finally... happiness."
She wept as he had his way.
The boundaries of sorrow and joy blurred further that evening.
She knew.
Her tears made him throb.
Her skinned knees, her raw knuckles, her purple wrists.
She bled, she cried, she came.
Her old teddy bear seemed to be looking at her.
Looking so disappointed.
Freshly penetrated. Now, now, she's a woman.
...right?

She can't tell.
He'd be mad.
He was afraid.
She'd leave him.
She'd hurt him.
She had to know.
She belonged to him.

Ouch.
That sux.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
I don't know.
Wish I could help.
Wish I could offer another tender platitude.
I'm fresh out.
I have no more attention to pay.
My attention is expensive.
So pay me, baby.
Yeah, fuck you too.

Suddenly, she was wrong.
Suddenly, she was ecstatic.
She wasn't happy at all.
She was numb for the first fucking time in her life.
She was content.
She hated everything, and that made her smile as she reached for her gun.
That old lullaby echoed in her mind as she closed her eyes.
Still smiling.

...God, those pearly whites.
You should've seen 'em.
You really should've.

But remember, she's a failure.
Such a beautiful, disgusting failure.
A divine fucking waste of flesh.
You should take a picture.
You really should.
It does, indeed, last longer.

But she's changed.
He'll be so proud.
She'll be a success.

She cradled his pretty head in her unworthy hands.
Her dirty, filthy fucking hands.
You should've seen where those hands had been.
You really should've.

And then, there they were.
Those gorgeous windows to his fucking soul.
Or whatever.
He awoke as he felt the blade firmly gliding across his neck.
Wouldn't you?

Suddenly, he was understood.
Suddenly, he was content.
He was then freshly penetrated.
Then, he could've been a man.
He parted his lips to cry out to her.
She merely placed her finger to her own and whispered,
"ssshhh."

Her knife finished its glorious ballet, and he had begun.
To bleed, to cry, to cum.
At once. The last moment.
He knew.
Nothing mattered.
He was so proud.
He smiled, and she fell in love again.
Everything was so perfect.
You should've been there.
You really should've.

And as he slipped out of this cruel fucking world,
she softly sang to him:
"Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.
It was always you that I despised.
I don't feel enough for you to cry.
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes.
...goodbye."

Isn't it funny, really?
She felt so original.
So unique.
Like a stupid fucking snowflake, right?
She knew.
She knew they'd laugh.
She knows you're laughing now, fucker.
She still hates you.
And you.
And you.

All of you.


The smell of his blood was remarkably intoxicating.
Definitely something to write home about.
She wanted to fuck herself so hard.
But remember, she's a failure.
A spectacular mess.
Yes, that's who she was.

She could've loved him unconditionally.
She could've been trusted.
She really could've.
But you wouldn't care.
Be honest.

Isn't she selfish?
Isn't she insignificant?
Isn't all this so inconvenient?
Don't you love her now?

She knew.
She had one friend left.
She had but to pull him to be in paradise.
Gently now, gently...
He was going to set her free.
Doesn't it make you smile too?



...God, those pearly whites.
You should've been there.
You really should've.

If all the world's a stage, I'm a fucking magician.


So let me have you look over here.
Someone's dying over there.
Stare at the sun long enough and you'll be forced to use your imagination.
You poor dear, I know thinking hurts.
Just slip into my utopia of manipulation.
Forget your name and address.
Forget your bags and your straws.
This is here. This is now.
These are real moments.
For once, take a little pride in your humanity.
*sigh*
Whatever pride there is left that can be justified.

Still paying attention, or have I emptied your poor pockets?
No more attention for now, I see.
If not now, fucking when?
If not here, fucking where?

Where am I going, you ask?
Does anyone ever truly know at all?
Isn't all human communication simply a means to an end?
Come get what you want from me, you fucking vultures...
You pitiless parasites; this is NOT symbiosis.
I'm getting eaten alive, and you're adjusting the lighting.
Tweaking the mix, zooming in, zooming out.
Admiring the magnificent fucking spectacle.

Have another lollipop.
Another cigarette.
Have another drink, you vacant fanatic.
Who knew that enjoying who you are could be so unpopular?
Who knew that intelligence, though so infrequently expressed, is yet not dead?
Who fucking knew?!

Candlelight stars float across the fire escape.
As I slide into dreams, out of the world, away from all of you.

If I ever had a prayer, this (which is a missing scene) would be it.
But I know the way your fucking sadist works, ma'am.
The genie will only grant my wish when I no longer wish it granted.
Then, I shall resign myself, on bended knee,
to the infernal blade of blissful ignorance.
It will slit my throat, and I'll finally be satisfied...

Right?! Isn't that the way destiny works?
Isn't that the purpose of purpose itself?


heyky ...dcym neard fumk cnapsa fav dcym ard
ahes vu diu bemc thyr niuo maav e
fuh cajmacsard ajaemap hyl caoa niuo
anurl y asulap cyr ahes he fyc iuo onadcos ard


I see I'm not the only one with an escape.
I'm an artificial fool and a mirror on this glorious waste of a stage.
I sing, I dance, I lie, I hypocriticize (sic).
Chew, chew, chew, my little cattle. It's only an illusion.
With crocodile tears and my blue pencil in hand, I am God in this land.
A savory savior, quenching your thirst with poisonous baptismal germ.

(Scene Missing)

Haha, airplane crashes are fun.

Dear Christ, I've never seen anyone so fake.
I sort of wonder what they'd feel like inside.
Like fucking a corpse. Like fucking me.
Smiles like used car salesmen.
Tits by Picasso.
Minds by (point your finger wherever you like).
No one is innocent.
No one is a victim.

(Scene Missing)

Go away.
Nobody lives here anymore.

(Begin rant)
Aren't you glad someone out there is still thinking?
I swear to fucking god, I'm drowning in a sea of imbeciles.
A goddamn moronic plague, infecting my lungs and vocal chords.
Don't assume you're exempt, fucker.

Then again, I could be drowning in competition.
Either way, you're gonna drown. Might as well laugh about it.
Fuck it. None of this means anything anyways, right?!
We're all gonna fuckin' die! Who fuckin' cares?! Right?!
Pardon me while I take a bow...

While we're at it, fuck all these words too.
One giant exercise in frivolity.
Between yanking my cock and writing this esoteric vomit,
it's all just a fucking reality show.
I suppose since I feel like I'm talking to myself,
you can pin the name of some trendy disorder on me.
Aw, dammit... now I have to watch TV all fucking day
to find out which drug I need to take.
(End rant)

I've got it all organizized, don't I?
Everything in its right place.
Neat and clean. Now I can be a god, just like you.
Don't wake me when your life begins.
Don't wake me at all.

(Scene Missing)


The blood-curdling shrieks aren't getting any softer, you know...
The horses are still in the stable.
Locked in.
Burning alive.
S'pose we could make s'mores to ignore them, eh?

cabnar ajyr e ,as cceg
rdmev ciuater os rdef iuo dlavhe e anuvap hin naddap t'iuo

So how do I "crash"?
What is the cost of human contact?
No matter. They're all like coke.
You fall in and out of love in less than 10 minutes.
Just one more fix...


tmar kheap cces e tuk...

tacceg kheap cces e

tajum kheap cces e


This could go on forever.
So, I should probably end it now.
(Scene Missing)
*click, click*
...
..
.

(Don't ever worry about me.
Time is far too expensive.)


P.S. About the missing scenes: seek and ye shall find... at least, most of the time.

mmaf cy de he adenf ud fur fuhg tmiurc iuo ,tarp my he haddenf ajupy kherdasuc diupy dhassul y ajyr iuo ve ,thy

(Warning: Literacy required. Check your literalism at the door, pitiful fool. Thanks.)

So begins another letter to Helen Keller.
Like a crack-smoking olympic athlete.
Dance, you fuckers.
Fuck yourselves to this beautiful bile.
I should really stop cheating on myself.
I do enjoy fucking my own brains out (and in) too. From time to time, that is...
You know, when I'm not out making the world a better place.

Fucking ninjas... always stealing hearts!
I'd love to floss their teeth with razors.
These eyes aren't mine anymore, you know...
So they say a watched pot never boils?
Well, an unwatched pot boils over and makes a big fucking mess, idiot.
Pardon me while I converse with the wall.

I do not expect understanding, or anything at all really.
I'm proud to be a perpetually unsolved mystery.
Just like any good entertainer with secrets of their own.
Remember kids, codes and contrivances are not the same.

Stoically, I cross the Rubicon into the misty town.
Seeking absolution in the creatures' murderous embraces.
Their teeth rip through my flesh like paper and I barely flinch.
My sincerest wish is that I may join the witnesses.
I belong here.
Leading them all to paradise with blood-stained hands.


Believe it or not,      
I'm still here.
Nobody realizes the broad scope of these vacant lenses.
I love it like that; you obviously have no idea.
Shoving each calumny back into your cum-soaked panties.
With a grateful gasp, you realize that I'm both the devil and God.
With a scoff, I declare you a foolish cunt,
with whom each desire has been fulfilled beyond any further interest.


Peppermint vanity, take me in your arms.
Your preservatives keep me warm.
Dear sheltering narcissism,
your breastmilk never tasted so sweet.


So here I am, bitches; the purest toxic purist.
A freer freak than one who may still scorn love.
Lies are indeed ill-advised.
And if you knew me at all,
you'd know I don't make threats.
Merely snips of indifference.
In the end, no one needs anyone.
But that's not the fucking point.

"I need this like I need an asshole, right here... an asshole!"


Nonchalance lubricates our divine fucking tragedies.
*poof* Do you realize what you lost?
*poof* Do you realize what you never had?
I would've attempted self-defibrillation,
but I thought you might like to give it a shot.
For a change, for a minute, for a minute change.
Though I'd cherish the ability, I cannot read minds.
Don't be frightened.
Perhaps I forgot to mention; I cannot die.
Not here, not now, not ever.
However, my life is still priceless, and so is yours.

Those eyes, that smile... you still captivate me, dear.
You still make me grin like a retard.
At last, I can understand my past.
I'll enjoy this love as long as it'll last.
Turbulence and baggage can make the flight so much more interesting.
Don't you agree?

Today, I pretended the sky fell down.
Everybody was a robot.
Insects owned every house in the neighborhood.
Poor little me; I was not supposed to be there.
I wasn't meant to be anywhere, but I was.

Today, I took a walk and pretended it was normal.
Nothing out of character; nothing to worry about.
Calm yourselves. Things aren't as bleak as they seem.
Or, at least, today I pretended they weren't.

Today, I pretended all love lasts forever.
I pretended everyone understood what it meant.
Nothing to be afraid of; nothing to be just merely enjoyed.


Today, I pretended I was pure.
My toxicity was trivial.
Perhaps it isn't so imaginary.
Despite the crooked path behind me,
I tread forward into uncertainty with great anticipation.


Today, I pretended to step outside myself, such as I am.
I saw beauty in mediocrity.
But who's to say what either one truly is?

Today, I shook my own hand.
Pats on the back are just not enough.
A few revelations, a few resolutions, the usual.
Just exploiting my God-given curse of thinking.

Today, more than usual, I wished you were beside me.
Hearing what I heard, seeing what I saw, feeling what I felt.
Letting the rats run their own races.
Perhaps I have you to thank for these words.
Though your eyes remind me that I need none.


Today, I pretended my confidence had been restored.
I didn't feel 100 lbs. heavier again.
Maybe if I keep pretending, it'll happen for real.
Maybe it's my poison talking. It does that sometimes.

Today, I pretended those were admiring stares; not malicious glares.
Father will stain them, too, with his silent cyanide.
From flowers, to mountains, to planets, even to little boys.
Nobody is free.


Today, I laid down in the forest.
For once again, and not the last time, time didn't matter.
Mother didn't scold me; just caressed my feverish cheeks.
She spoke in comforting, albeit somewhat silly and trite, ways.
Whispering in my ears no discernible messages.
She helped me remember another she loves me too.

Today, I remembered that total freedom doesn't exist.
Today, I cherished the challenges.
Today, I realized sometimes compromise is inevitable.
Today, I realized that isn't so bad in comparison...


Today, I'm shutting the door.
I'll be trying a new chemistry; a new alchemy.
Though I won't be laboriously trying, so much as calmly experiencing.
I wish I believed in God so I could thank him/her/it.
I also wish you'd realize that athiesm is idiotic.
The full spectrum of human emotion; the music I've chosen to enhance it...
Breath-fucking-taking, seriously.


Today, it all floated away.
You should be so fortunate.
You should be taking pictures.
Or kicking the world in the face anyway you know how.
Remember, a kick in the face can be another way to say "I love you."
Only if you're a pro, though.

Today, I remembered that solitude is bad if you don't love yourself.
Today, I pretended to understand it all; to know everything.
Today, I practiced breathing; counting my heartbeats.
Today, I felt so alive, even if it was only pretend.


Perhaps tomorrow I'll pretend I can fly.

These are my purest moments of honesty.
I sincerely wonder if I'd miss you humans.
Chasing fairies' tails with a fast car you know eeeeeeeverything about.
Kill yourself. Haha.
I would've taken my own pill long ago,
except I know it'll be a hell of a show.

I never have tired of watching a toilet flush.
It'd be the first time I'd applaud it though.
I'd laugh, but... Haha, oh well.

For all pokers and pushers, I speak in the present.
That which does not exist, I speak within and of.
I cherish my cynicism. I'm in love with my disdain.
I reject. I entertain myself.


I'm asking and answering all my questions,
and it feels so fucking good, you have no idea.
A smile is no mask for my ignorance of your staggering imbecility.
Just thought I'd let ya know... I may still be plotting your demise.
YES! Come to me, my little haggots!
You keep my kingdom buzzing; you put ants to shame.

Though I'm a bit superstitious, I think my encryption will dodge all bullets.
You may have to run for your pulsating lilliputian deities.
You may not have permission anymore. Don't yell at me, I just work here.
Oh, the fucking temptation of mediocrity!
Oh, the allure of vanilla fucking cunts!
Guess what? Fuck ALL of you. You don't know who you are.
If I have my way, you never will.
*poof* *snip, snip* Aaaalll gone.
*single tear* I'll miss you. Pphh.


Eh, but why stop reminding myself I'm alive?
After all, not knowing is half the fun.
Just let me know when to take my foot out of the door.
Of course, that's assuming I still trust you.
Is a cartoon grin really your best disguise?
Burying your identity with a bouquet of insecurity.
We can giggle all fucking night!

Jacks without boxes praising anonymity and idiocy.
Isn't this life defined? Isn't this life lived?
Nevermind communication, comprehension; this is rapture.
Significance is irrelevant.

Who is this poor little girl out in the poor little world?
Wearing a t-shirt that says she's interesting.
The truth is in the tits, bitch.
Searching for the peacock to her replicunt.
She's written down all her answers 100 times.
Can anyone hear this trumpet when I stand on this soapbox?
Or are you still waiting for dick jokes?


"Oh sweet rapist eyes, look what you've done to me."

Hovering hypnotically through stygian channels.
Aurora on hold; our own nowhere, doing nothing.
So far yet so close; such lunacy entices.
Tickled pink but neither ticklish.
Carefully selecting words I don't need.
Swaying in blacklight, a glance tells all.
Or simply enough for now.
All in good time.


I am.
You are not.
Go home.

This entry is marked private.
Or is it?
This could be meant for you, or nobody at all.
You shouldn't ____ __ ___ ______ without me.
It can be quite impolite.
And now, a story:

It's almost bedtime, boys and girls.
Your narrator paid good money to ruin himself.
You see, some need an atrophic hand.
Casually festering into mediocrity.

This was therapeutic once.
All in all, this black bar between my teeth ain't so bad.
Complacency certainly is tricky.
Take me in with open arms.


A devastated world; a faint, frozen remnant.
My feet no longer touch the ground.
My flesh, a mere husk.
The windows to a vacant soul, stained by time.
Shut for the winter, shut for fucking good.
The silence is beautiful beyond comprehension.
And all the pieces on the ground...

Suddenly, words aren't enough.
The inertia alone can drive you mad.
This is important. This, right now.
Don't pay attention, it's all bullshit.
Who is the strongest weed? Who loves to be numb?
Ahh, the air is ripe tonight.
Tonight we murder!
Tonight we murder!


You see, you can't see.
Through the eyes of ennui.
All will turn green and envy will be frivolous.
Are you suuuure?
I'd bless your blindness,
but oblivion is so much sexier.
Pump it, one, two, three...
Now is your life complete?
Filling the voids in our materialistic souls
with the best air money can't buy.
How about now?

I'd say it's sad, but I'd have to care.
The ever so intangible "they."
How ignorant they are to the solemn beauty of the night.
How easily one can forget, and yet how easily reminded.
And how proudly I stepped through those windows,

but I now am unearthed.
Grace wasn't amazing.
And I'm not saved.
Far too many were lost... now that's sad.
And I do care.

I still exist.
But am I alive?

...sehctib ,em wolloF
Will I be born still?
Isn't eroticism erratic?
An armful of trophies and a stunning frown.
Observe the obsolescence.
Ignorance shines as bright as insight.
Walk into the fucking light.

So I suppose I should strut.
Somehow, I sow, but I don't reap.
*rrrrrrrip* *pluck* *snip snip* deleteteledeleteteled
Let me (for)get that for you.
It's so simple! Clap on, clap off.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe. it's. just. me.
Isn't it pathetic? Isn't a pity?
Isn't it fucking redundant?

Bound and blind, karma's rape continues.
Forced contrition in the midst of this snow job.
I'm grinning with your cold barrel between my teeth.
Oh, that smile. Just to defile you once again.
Rub my skin white again.
We can compare carapaces when we murder the sun at dawn.


It's so cold... We're so cold.
Like the sheer viscosity of eption in December.
We abandon all our senses.
And we mute the shrill shrieks of the dying embers.
Because it's better that way.
Comfort is life! Complacency is next to godliness.

Such shock at such ignominy.
Can a gasp truly clench one so tightly?
Know now that mere notes may awaken the behemoth.
I've even gagged myself for now.
Tread lightly, bitches.


Dear Mr. Santos,
Your voice resonates louder now than ever before.
I sincerely thank you.

Dear Mr. Horseplan,
Your audacity has always been an inspiration.
With 8 seconds, I exorcise and baptize.
You've seen 'im; that pesky old demon.
Three cheers for insipid repetition...

Dear Faceless Audience,
Dress your minds once again.
I've finished my cigarette with a scowl and a sigh.
And my feet still do not touch the ground.